ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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