She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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