dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can you bring me the toilet please
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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