She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize