I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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