Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i think my cat just said my name.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
