new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
