Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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