How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
