a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize