What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
