So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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