Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
