Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
