there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just pee around me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
