after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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