She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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