Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
