Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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