She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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