Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
