If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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