Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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