I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
