you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
