I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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