You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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