Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
