I bet he comes in French.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
