The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
