Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
