If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
