it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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