wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
