it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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