Small penises have feelings too.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
