You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
