I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize