If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
