I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
