Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize