Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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