you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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