I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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