Kiss
Puke
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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