I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
