Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
