im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
