Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
