I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
