here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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