shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
