I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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