i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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