Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
