he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He better not be in your backpack
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
