think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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