if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
