its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
