I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
