I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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