I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
