Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
