we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
