You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
