She is in my trunk
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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