Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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