isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
