I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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